Don’t be fooled by his appearance, he is a really nice guy!
The world is going down the pan! There is a war between the Christians and the Muslims; the global economy is in tatter; immigrants are swarming our borders, say good bye to freedom of speech because the Mayan calendar is nearing the end days! Of course, no one is more aware of the above or vocal about all this doom, gloom and stupidity of mankind than Doug Stanhope.
My first contact with him was from a segment he does in Charlie Brooker’s show. Essentially he spent his slot ranting on about the public, the media and society in general. A harsh reality check like this is exactly what we needed at a time such as now: when Z-listers is plastered all over the front of pointless glossy magazines, gormless morons squirting out offsprings like there is no tomorrow while the news headlines are ruled by dumbasses who can’t tell the difference between a Mosques and community centre (same difference between a church and a YMCA)!!! Yes, my time with Doug at London’s Leicester Square Theatre will be memorable. I demand of it!!!
The show kicked off slow... Although the Swedish cover did a good job warming us up to what’s about to follow with his abortion jokes, Doug struggled to gain momentum with his "Bill Hicks was in Alcohol Anonymous -> AA was a religious cult" routine. Something was really missing. Did he need more alcohol? Was Doug feeling OK? Then the answer came in the form of a plead from the audience: "Buy us some booze!" heckled someone from the crowd.
Whether or not the request was genuine is unknown - the crowd seems to be a mixture of flagrants, students, yuppies and get stopped in the street by the homeless for change or booze is a common occurrence in the street of London - nor did it matter. What mattered was that this mindless heckle had awaken something inside of Doug that made him famous and loved on both sides of the pond.
You can see that pause... The way he stared back at the audience with this look of contempt. The way his gaze scanned the crowd, baying for blood. He raised the microphone to the lips only to stop short, hesitate and reject the first thing that came to his mind. Holy god! Given we had just been laughing at abortion jokes, what could be more offensive than that?
Then it started! In what I would consider to be the perfect rendition of the Scouse / Northerner accent that epitomises the dredges of British society, Doug mocked the heckler: "Buy us a pint, mate! I am skint!". The crowd erupted into a hysteria and we were treated to a night of comedy gold!
A rant about recession, a self-depreciating torrent of anecdotal sex/masturbation stories, followed by more complaints about the general public. Being a Star Wars fan, my favourite was his comparison between American football player and Stormtroopers. The night of profanity ended with Doug Stanhope’s graphic and painful description of a torture device he had devised for idiots who takes too long while queuing in front of him. Without going into too much details, I can reveal that the device involves a spinning dildo. Its simplicity was genius and Doug’s eager description had the audience cringing with laughter.
After my experience, I have arrived at a radical theory: Maybe under all this exterior, Doug Stanhope is actually a nice guy after all. Although his muse stems from the crazed, tired, bitterness he carried towards the world, he would rarely pick on the individuals from the audience like other comics would resort to doing. Doug would always wait for the hecklers to throw the first punch, before laying down some tasty retorts, something which he is so good at doing. It is this same back-and-fro that drove the night to its amazing climax, as the audiences are welcomed into the twisted world of Stanhope.
My advice to whoever wants to check out Doug Stanhope: Bring a heckler (or two) with you because it makes all the difference!
For those of you who have yet to experience the pleasure and genius of his work, here’s my favourite, Stanhope’s take on immigration:
I was pretty shocked with Morrissey’s comment on the "the Chinese are a subspecies". My brain literally froze for a second and all I could managed was a fit of laughter. Of course, I wasn’t laughing with him! For you see, there have been so many times when I have laughed inappropriately at "foot in the mouth" situations. I mean come on, we all love stupidity! It is where the most basic form of humour is derived! And for public figures to say something so downright stupid, irresponsible and bigoted. Prince Philip, I think you have a successor!
Accusations of racism is nothing new with Morrissey. He had been quoted saying "I don't hate Pakistanis, but I dislike them immensely". Right... But this time, there is a reason behind his comment and the Chinese are renown to be terrible to animals! So saying that isn’t exactly racist is it? Well, it still kind of does...
In a truly tolerant society, each individual should be judged in accordance to their own merits and flaws. To brand an entire nationality as subordinates because of their treatment to animals is very extreme!
Given the above logic, that would make Morrissey the same as those Kennel Club dog breeders, who encourages the perpetuation of malformed animals for their own sick pleasure, afterall he do share the same nationality as they? And how about that football player and all the other people who do dog-fights or use them as weapons?
In terms of animal welfares, human-rights and other forms of morality, it really really IS NOT hard to draw a direct correlation between them with a nation's state of development. Afterall, it wasn't long ago (hundred year is merely a blink of an eye when compared to the entirety of human history) when Britain implemented the use of slavery and enjoyed blood-sports such as cock-fighting, bull-baiting, hare-coursing, hog-dogging, fox-hunting etc etc. The only thing which makes Britain superior in its treatment of animal was that, since the Industry Revolution, it had the surplus resource to educate its people and established laws and regulatory systems to prevent such acts of cruelty. The sad truth is, it will probably take developing countries a long time to move on from such acts of barbarism, considering how some developed countries is still rift with such acts behind closed doors and people still put animals in microwaves.
Humanity has a lot of cruelty instilled within its nature from when we had to survive in the wild. Having experienced a time when the killing of another species would equates the pleasure of nourishment, it's not hard to understand how such habits of cruelty can be hardwired into our psyche. For those of us who are lucky enough to be born into a world of abundance and moral education, I don't think we have the right to look down on those who are without. Of course, this is no excuse for the Chinese but the inevitable reality is that it will take them decades to arrive at Western level of animal rights!
Anyway, it's always interesting to see racists roll around in the limelight. The bottom-line is, their initial points of reference are still racially defined - people belonging to races different from their own are pigeon-holed by their collective racial identity, therefore they must be held responsible for each other's actions.
FFS, Morrissey! Just because you are an animal lover, it doesn’t give you the right to tar an entire population (the biggest in the world, no less) with the same brush! I guess being a racist does though!
Before my trip to the English Defence League’s demonstration and Unite Against Fascism’s counter demo at Bradford, extensive research into both parties was carried in preparation for the event. I have watched Youtube videos, went through many forums and read countless news articles. This same mentality can be seen quite commonly under different guises.
Although I know EDL members hate to be lumped together with those from the British Nationalists Party, I can not help but catalog members of the two groups together based on this particular phenomenon. Hell, this syndrome is so common that I bet even a lot of KKK members suffer different strains of the same disease.
We are talking about this delusional pride of achievement for something their grandfather had done.
That’s right, we are not talking about someone who is being boastful or self-absorbed by something they had attained through individual hard labour, courage or ingenuity. No, these people would choose to leeched off the past glories of the departed and grave-rob their forefather for whatever persuasiveness they could muster.
"My grandfather fought the Nazi and he would be gutted to see all these immigrants here!"
The above sentiment is widespread across forum threads and article comment sections like a bad outbreak of crabs. And nothing can be more indicative of the lifestyles and natures of its sufferers.
The fact is having had a grandfather who have served the Queen and country during the Second World War is not a rare occurrence. Since Compulsory Conscription was established on the October of 1939, anyone within the eligible age bracket (18-41) would be eventually called up to serve in one of the armed force branches. A grandfather would really have to had gone out of his way in order to avoid being drafted.
Now, even if the grandfather in question had proven himself with deeds of valour and heroism on the battlefield, effectively differentiating himself from the common conscript, it does not mean he had the right, the knowledge nor the aptitude to pass judgement on government decisions - namely whether or not this country needs foreign migrant workers!
Another sentiment that had cropped during the actual interview from Bradford Demo itself was "We have lads from the armed forces here today!!!".
Erm... Well, do they have a degree in sociology or geography? Honest, why use their time and service in the army as currency to barter for the acceptance of your right-winged ideologies? I mean what is the psychology behind this mentality? Do they think that since they have sacrificed more for the country, they should be given more privileges to decide how the country is ran?
I mean, this is baffling. Why would people be thinking like that? Don’t get me wrong, even though I don’t agree with UK’s foreign policies, I still respects the armed force and understands their necessity. However, I still don’t think that they should have more rights than the average citizen, even more so if this bragging right was inherited from two generations ago!
The concept of birthright had been long abandoned (by the general public) since the chivalry days, when people actually need to be of noble blood to amount to anything. Nowadays, we all have the freedom to pursue whatever destiny we want and our efforts are ultimately rewarded accordingly.
This "my grandfather did this" mentality is strange and, in the many cases I have observed, quite counterproductive because it is this same complacency that prevents people from doing their best. When people stop doing their best, foreigners who can’t even speak the language would come and take their jobs from underneath them. A lot of the anti-immigrant protestors refuse to admit it, but not a lot of them actually possess any knowledge or skills that makes them more valuable to this society than any immigrant.
I would feel extreme disgrace for myself and my ancestry, if after all the years of living in this developed world, I have attained nothing worthy of pride save the colour of the skin which I was born into.
Experiments have shown that some quantum effects are not restricted by time and can have an effect on the past! This is such a good step towards the ultimate atheist theory!!! That "fine tune universe" can be so due to internal programming... Stephen Hawking is right! A conscious external contributor (e.g. God) is no longer required anymore!
The quantum effect basically underlines how the state of reality can be determined by the method which is used in its observation. So photons (light) exist both as waves or as particles based on the method used to detect it. The observer can actually have a crucial role in determining the rule which matter must comply!
Now, one of the creationists' major argument is that this universe is so finely tuned, that there are physical constants so precise, life wouldn’t have occurred if these constant were to differ by a minute value. There must be an external agent to bring about such a precise combination.
The experiments in this article have proven that the state of reality in the past can be also influenced by what is going to happen in the future! The action of the future can have an impact on the past! But what is so significant about this finding?
You see, in the classical definition of time, where it flows in one direction, the effect of causality also is also strictly directional. The act of creation must come before an object and hence creationists would argue that this world must be created by an external agent that precedes this realm of existence (who created this external agent is another question!). The experiment and the justification of Retrocausality effectively refuted the above assumption by proclaiming that the act of creation - the definition of reality - can be done internally within this existence!
I know this sounds insane but science have moved closer and closer to the nature of reality as we continue to evolve. From having a misguided view that the world is flat to looking within ourselves and unleashing maddening knowledge about subatomic particle physics, our skills and ability to analysis have seen leaps and bounds throughout the ages.
Now imagine, thousands of millenniums ahead, at a time beyond imagination, a civilisation or an entity is capable of inspecting reality to its basic cole level. The act of observing the very nature of existence might have the effect of determining how it will ultimately behave or have been behaving before the actual observation.
And since this entity, although powerful, is merely another occupant of this universe like you and me. It differs from the classical external omnipotent God model followed by most Abrahamic religions.
I know the above idea is merely replacing one theologian fantasy with something equally groundless, nevertheless it does disarm one of creationist’s major arsenal and extinguish the need for external influence in order to explain for our existence. And with Stephen Hawking clarifying his stance on the need for a God, I think things are looking bright for atheistic physics!
I haven’t read the Grand Design and I simply can not wait! Considering how much influence "A Brief History..." had on my world view, I sure hope Hawking latest work will just be as compelling!
The renown 'A Brief History of Time' ended with the infamous "If we discover a complete theory, it would be the ultimate triumph of human reason - for then we should know the mind of God." which have been quoted by many creationists in attempts to tether the megastar scientist into their belief camp.
Dismayed at the religious’ inability to take "no" for an answer, the Physicist turned author has finally decided to take his upcoming book release as an opportunity to say "fuck off" to the dumbasses who still want to leech off his fame and achievements! Figuratively speaking, of course!
Obviously, the surge in sale for his new book was completely unexpected but a much welcome byproduct of his comment. A review can be found here! I am rushing out to get a copy on my iPad as soon as it come out... And as soon as I get an iPad, which will happen when I lose all self-respect for myself as a human being. In the mean time, I am planning on protesting against the pope with Richard Dawkins! Blog entry coming up! *thumbs*
So this is the week after the British August Bank Holiday Weekend. Being the last bank holiday of the summer, people usually have tonnes to share after the madness. While I was out at Bradford observing the clash between the EDL and their oppositions, my friend returned from his holiday to be greeted by the news of his cat’s demise. Well, not his cat but his mother’s cat. His feeling towards this loss was strong, which reminded me of a TED speech I once saw. One of the analogy used was the following:
Scenario 1)
You are given £100, then you are two choice:
a) gamble your £100 for another £100
b) an additional £50
Scenario 2)
You are given £200, then you are two choice:
a) £50 is taken from the given £200, no question!
b) gamble your £200, in order to keep the whole £200 (all or nothing)
According to the research, both human and monkey would make the wrong, riskier choice when posed with scenario 2 - gambling the whole £200 for keeps. The explanation to this is that when already been give something, both humans and monkeys find it difficult to relinquish this gain and make the right decision - 1b and 2a both equates to a safe £150.
I guess the same can be said for the passing of a pet or a relative. Rather than appreciating how lucky to have had the cherished memories and great experience in the first place (£100 + 50), most people would choose to see it from a negative prospective (£200 − 50). The matter of fact is, both cases end with £150, it just depends on how you choose to see it.
I have always believed that the best way to explore the nature of humanity is to partake in as many social groups as possible. So this time round, I thought I would check out the Unite Against Fascism group as well as the English Defence League fraction.
Personally, I don’t think there is a better way to spend an August Bank Holiday Saturday! Cream Fields? Notting Hill? Pah, been there, done that! This year, we need to dig deep! We shall venture into the very soul of the British extremists and observe the behaviour of the two polar opposites!
The time to set off drew near. One quick check on Twitter pointed me to a speech by the head of West Yorkshire Police - a plead to those civilised to remain so and a stern warning to those intent on violence.
Due to my racial identity, I thought the best point of entry for this exercise is to enter through the UAF and let very nice sounding people to ease me into what could turn into a very long day. Arrival at the Exchange Square was relatively quiet. A large police presence can be observed surrounding the We Are Bradford and UAF contingency. Police can be seen within a 100m ratio of the shared event ground and metal detectors were in place to ensure the safety of those present.
A nice air of calm surrounds the place as smooth music and occasion cheer from the audience fills the air. Ahh... A nice day bathing in the sun, listening to music with a bunch of chilled out people... Just like Glastonbury... But no! We are not here for this! There are things to see! People to talk to!
A high percentage of Socialists were present, drunk on the hopeless over-idealism of an utopian world that had been realised too soon for practical implementation. Amongst the socialist who I have spoken to, none has offered a persuasive argument into how a nation can be driven to excel without the used of material rewards to appease the bold, gifted and hard-working.
Disappointed by how the event had been hijacked, I went through the metal detector, breathing a sign of relief as my herb grinder failed to trigger off any siren. Any unwanted attention could spell an end to this! Easy now... Swallow that numb in your throat, smile at the nice officer and steer yourself onward down the street! They can’t see your blood shot eyes from that far. Easy...
The scroll in town was bliss. Amongst the green hi-vest and police vehicles dotted around the streets, the locals are content to go about their business. Too proud and embarrassed to ask for directions to the Urban Garden, I explored the pedestrianised areas that radiates from the town hall in all directions. It wasn’t long before I was led by a flurry of peaceful green ribbons in the direction of the EDL protest site.
A sizeable crowd of onlookers can already be seen gathering at the intersection between Kirkgate and Cheapside, under the watchful eyes of phalanx of police officers. Beyond them, a patch of disused land surround by a long green wall can be seen with a group of people waiting idly within the compound. I guess I have found the place.
One thing that struck me the most about the EDL compound was its shabby arrangement in contrast to the area allocated to the UAF and We Are Bradford union. There were no stage, confectionary stands nor leaflet stalls being set up. It was quite literally a bunch of young men milling around, their attention wondering aimlessness. Before I could muster up enough encourage to venture into the EDL camp, the crowd were excited by the arrival of a "celebrity".
From the distance, I could see that it was Adbul, the EDL’s token Asian poster boy being surrounded by the media. Boos and amused laughter can be heard as Abdul made his way through the crowd, towards the EDL camp.
Having discovered out the identity of the newcomer, my attention return to the EDL conjuring across the road. I was reassured by a police squadron commander barking out orders to the officers stood to attention. How bad could it be? If something were to kick off then I am sure someone will pull me out of the melee without too much of an incident. A few broken bones wouldn’t take too long to heal and chicks dig scars anyway! Minus the flu induced hypochondriacs, the NHS is perfectly capable of dealing trauma victims. Oh what the hay.
Second time of the day through a metal detector and I am inside the EDL camp!
If you will, imagine feeling you get when you are given a guest pass into dressing room of the football team or rock band about to perform! Except the only difference is that given my racial identity, there is no doubt that "some" EDL supporters would love to put me on the next boat out of the country, or worse. Lucky for me, those presents were too engrossed with cameras pointed at them. I stood and watched as the EDL members eagerly posed in front of the gathered journalists.
Suddenly, their gaze turned towards me and erupted into a cheer! Could it be? That my inoffensive, boyish charm had won them over? Have I singlehandedly diffused the tension that has been simmering to a boil on such a fine Bank Holiday Saturday?!? Alas, it was not to be. For as I turned, I was greeted by the sight of a double-decker and several coaches arriving on the scene... It won’t be long before my cover is blown and the beasts turn their attention to me!
As more and more EDL supporters poured into their designated areas from arriving transports. The chants and jeers from either side grow louder to compete with one another. And as the two sides competes for dominance, another thing became strangely obviously. The average age of the EDL is beyond 20s and into their 30s, while the most vocal out of the anti-EDL group are made up of teenagers.
Hhmmm... Why the fuck are these fully grown men yelling at kids who could be up to twenty years younger than themselves? The last time I did that, candy and toys were involved and I certainly wasn’t proud of it! It was great to see the amount of retrain exhibited by the everyday citizen of Bradford! The policemen were courteous, dignified, organised and exceptionally well trained! Even against such odds, I had never felt threaten, as the police dutifully risked their lives to form the living wall that separates the quiet, passive vigil from the raging madness beyond the road.
Before long, the EDL side soon produce its first arrest as the main crowd attempted to surge forward. I steadied myself on to a high vantage point and looked on over to the other side. More youth moved towards my right to get a better view of the EDLs. It wasn’t until I got home and watched the coverage by The Telegraph and Argus that I realised what a volatile state the EDL was in even before the first missile was thrown... Then it kicked off!
As I watched, screams were heard from all around me as bewildered onlookers were pelted with stones and coins. Without a warning, a trail of pink smoke streaked across the road as a smoke bomb landed amongst the crowd consisting of many hapless bystanders. Fortunately, the smoke bomb was thrown clear from the crowd while another landed precariously close to the police horses (see the The Telegraph and Argus for the perfect bird eye view!).
Under the order of the police, the main crowd section was pushed back up Market Street and Kirkgate and was again, forced to retreat several times up the street as more projectiles were being launched from the EDL camp. From the distance, a confusing scene erupt within the green wall as EDL began fighting amongst themselves. I looked on while drawing deeply from a cigarette I have managed to acquire from a local.
Temper continued to flair amongst some of the local youths as we look on helplessly, but then some EDL supporters can be seen trying to scale the wall on the far side. All the energy pent up amongst the gathered local unleashed in a flurry of movement. Bradford is on the move! Upon seeing the violent hooligans spilling onto their streets, the people of Bradford has sprung into action to meet with the EDL!
A strange turn of event! The initial excitement and vigour had settle into steely determination as we scaled Piccadilly, then settling into a slow march up the hill to join Hamm Strasse. People of different races, ethnicity and attire were among us! We have seen the rage and madness of the EDL but we are not afraid! We marched as one, the people from Bradford, joined by people outside.
This day, I have witnessed the rising of a generation who have lived under the shadow of the infamous riot 9 years ago. These people driven by the urge to oppose the voice of intolerance that once drove their town into disrepute. We Marched!
After descending from the hill into Valley Road, a ripple of cheer erupted from the front of the march, causing the crowd to surge forward:
Into the right branch we went, approaching the Foster Square where the infamous "One Punch" happened, scan to 0:30 on this video and you will see the same guy being escorted off by the police with his tail between his legs.
Well, this is pretty much when it is time for me to depart the city. I had 15 mins to get to the other side of town in time for my ride out of the place. All in all, the day’s event was not only a testimony to what Bradford is like but also what Britain is like!
Even with the mass influx of immigrant from the Eastern Block, follow by the plight of the recession, people of Bradford still rose up to oppose the voice of intolerance. The youth of the city still dares to march forth at the time of needs against a violence foes, hellbent on violence and destruction.
The people of Bradford and the West Yorkshire Police have displayed true solidarity and fortitude in the face of adversity and deserve all the praise they have received over the past couple of days!
The full video diary of the event, from start to finish, can be found here.
